Moving

Hi everyone who may read this! Due to some unforeseen circumstances, Momma will not be writing with us on a full time basis. So I have decided to move to a different site. I hope you will move over with me and see if you like the new blog. I think I can probably talk Momma into being a guest writer every once in awhile :-) Here is the new space:

http://permanentlyindifferent.squarespace.com/

Don't Try This At Home!

I (Snap) am not a fan of body hair. People who know me well will already know this. I don't just mean other people's body hair, I'm including mine as well. So I spend an obscene amount of time removing hair from my body. I'd have my arm hair waxed off if I didn't think it'd make me look like a freak. My favorite area to make sure is hair free is...well...the "hair down there." I don't mean I like a Brazilian and there's a little strip left. Oh no! I like it as smooth as a premium aged scotch.

However, I discovered a few months ago that I am apparently allergic to the wax that is used at the salon I frequent in order to achieve this level of hairlessness. This was a MAJOR issue. I had two choices: either I could walk around scratching myself like a major league ball player or I could stop getting waxed.  I seriously considered the scratching option but, let's face it, no one likes to see a girl walking around scratching herself like it's crab season! So I stopped getting waxed.

As a result, I've spent the last several months trying to figure out the best do-it-yourself way to remove my own beaver hair. I haven't figured out a way to use a razor without getting the razor burn, cold wax strips are a waste of time, and the electric razor...well, I've been told it makes my skin feel like sandpaper. So what's a girl to do? After 16 years of being with The Psycho and having to, as he put it, have some grass on the playing field, I've relished the freedom of going bare for the last year.

As luck would have it, while perusing the shaving isle for a solution to my dilemma, I found this:

I was so excited you would have thought I found the solution to world peace. It seemed so easy. Heat the wax in the microwave, use the provided spatulas to apply, and pull it off. It even came with a mirror that has it's own stand so that you can see all those places you normally avoid looking at.

So I got everything ready. Set up the mirror, put a towel down to sit on, and popped the wax in the microwave. Two minutes later I was applying hot wax to my nether regions. And I must say, WHAT SATANIST INVENTED THIS SHIT?! I actually have a pretty high pain tolerance. I've broken a lot of bones over the years. But holy fuck!!! I am considering writing a letter to the Department of Homeland Security to suggest they start utilizing this as one of their "persuasion" techniques. Seriously, I'd rather Nair up the area and take my chances with a chemical burn.

So, in short, don't try this at home. Obviously, I can't take it back and ask for a refund. Suddenly, walking around scratching myself doesn't seem like a bad idea. Now where's the number for that salon......